Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Crime Spree 4 Kidz: Michael Jackson

Crime Spree 4 Kidz! Posted by Hello

This is a new feature for Crime Spree: parents, have you ever had a hard time explaining a crime to one of your little ones? Well, Crime Spree 4 Kidz is the true crime blog for you. Just plop your youngster in front of the screen and the Bookhouse Boy will speak to the little one in terms they can understand.

For our first installment, we'll be looking at a case that probably has a lot of children scratching their heads: The Michael Jackson Trial.

The Man Who Loved Too Much

If you've been watching the news with your mommy and daddy, you might have seen something kinda scary:

"Rarr!" Posted by Hello

Now, it isn't polite to point. That is a person, just like you or me. One of the best things about people is that we aren't all the same. Some people are fat, some people are thin and some people have wafer-thin artificial noses and great big eyes. The name of that man is Michael Jackson. He is a very sad man. Maybe you wonder how he got so sad?

Do you like being a little boy or girl? It is fun to run and laugh and play. But Michael Jackson didn't get to be a little boy ... Instead of friends, he had Diana Ross. And he practiced dancing and singing every day with people named Jermaine and Tito! Do you have any imaginary friends?

Remember when daddy got drunk at your Little League game and yelled at the umpire? Well, Michael Jackson's daddy was like that, but even worse! He'd give Michael a head-spanking every time Michael didn't do a dance step just right.

Then, one day a long time ago, when your parents were hooked on cocaine, Michael Jackson became the most famous man in the world for his dancing and singing. Even though all those head-spankings had hurt, and they had knocked some of the color out of Michael's skin, they also helped Michael become an extra-good dancer. And soon he had lots of money and could buy everything he wanted ... Except his childhood. Isn't that sad? Don't you want to give him a hug? Better not!

Do You Know What "Russian Hands and Roman Fingers" Means?

Because Michael never got to be a little kid, he likes to play with little kids! But there are rules for big people playing with little people (don't grown-ups make rules for everything!?), and now some people think that Michael may have broken a few of the rules.

For one thing, he may have given little children Jesus Juice! It sounds yummy, but it tastes funny going and down (and coming up, too!) And it's only for adults and really cool kids. So Michael shouldn't have given it to that sick kid, because sick kids aren't cool.

There are parts of your body that belong to you, and only you, until you reach the age of sixteen (fourteen for girls). Do you know the parts we mean? The ticklish bits? Right! Well, Michael might have played a little too much with the little kids, and he may have touched their no-no zones. So now Michael's lawyer (a lawyer is a special person who can get you out of trouble if you are very rich. Don't you wish you had one?) has to talk to a judge to see if Michael Jackson can go home again, or if he has to go to the Big Time Out, where his ticklish bits will be very popular.

Lawyers are like Band-Aids for adult boo-boos. Posted by Hello

Thing to do at home
Michael Jackson turned from dark to white. You can turn from light to dark by tying a shoelace around your neck. Give it a try!

Would your mommy let Michael Jackson touch your special parts for ten million dollars? Ask her and watch her think about it!


Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thinking about getting my tubes tied, Bookhouse Boy.



6:55 PM  
Blogger The Bookhouse Boy said...

Why will no one admit that I'm on fire right now?

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You certainly do something to my ticklish parts. Very well done, if perverted social commentary is your thing.



1:36 PM  
Blogger The Bookhouse Boy said...

"Very well done, if perverted social commentary is your thing."

What's this "if" business? Who'se thing isn't preverted social commentary?

2:01 PM  

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