Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Overheard in the Michael Jackson jury room

Well, I might be a small fry in the world of crime reporting, but the Bookhousse Boy has pulled a scoop on everyone here. Thanks to a bug I planted in a moment of whimsy on a recent California visit, I now have exclusive audio from the jury deliberations at the Michael Jackson trial. The full transcript I'll be holding onto, but here are some choice quotes:

Foreman: "I'm not sure I believe Maculy Culkin never got touched. In fact, I kinda hope he was. Remember when he got stung to death in My Girl? That was awesome."

Juror #1: "Am I the only one who, after hearing about the coloration of Jackson's wang, will never be able to eat a swirl cone again?"
Juror #2: "I always thought he was smooth as a Ken doll down there."
Juror #1: "Send a note to the judge. I want to see that bi-colored wack-a-doo."

Juror #1: "So let's get this straight ... it's the twenty-first century. Jackson hasn't had a hit in years. And yet, somehow, this kid wants his make-a-wish dream to be spent sleeping over with Michael Jackson? Shouldn't he have wanted to pal around with Fred Durst?"
Juror #2: "Thank God we're not on that trial. I couldn't take seeing Durst's 'oh face' again."

Foreman: "I mean, Culkin just has these giant red lips. They're pretty gross. And yet ..."

Stay tuned! More to come!


Anonymous Steve Huff said...

Dude, that was hilarious. Swirly cone...*snort*

2:08 PM  

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