Monday, August 29, 2005

The Chateau Story

Defamer has invented his own 'Aristocrats' style story, this one involving rampant drug use and celebrities. Again, the beginning and the end are always the same, but the middle is pure improv. Here's mine.

So there I was at the Chateau Marmont with 17-year-old Robert Downey, Jr. and Jimmy Spader. We'd been snorting so much coke of the ass of this one hooker that when we ran out of powder, Rob was able to scrape up another rail from her right cheek. But his nostrils were totally plugged by this point, so he gave himself a nose enema with an eyedropper full of vodka. He let the snot/coke/vodka mix drain out into a cup and just left it there, so I grabbed my works, slurped it into the needle and mainlined it. I guess I went into some kind of psychotic frenzy or something and tried to set Jimmy on fire, so he shot me up with the last of his brown just to calm me down. He didn't talk to me for a week after that, but I'm not sure if it was because he was pissed or because we were on K the whole time. We probably shouldn't have tied up the hooker before we went into the K hole, 'cause she had to chew off her right arm to escape. Hey, that's drugs.


Anonymous Deidre said...

Sounds just like the new Bret Easton Ellis I finished reading this weekend.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Neel Mehta said...

Fantastic. I'll do my best to spread the word, and I've also written a version here.

2:02 AM  

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